this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick