I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?