The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
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Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman