Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.