Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My cat gives me a boner
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?