Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize