so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize