I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
