i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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