Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
