I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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