Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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