His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
