The maid of honor just puked.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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