He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
