Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
