My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
