Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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