i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
