birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You ruined the universe
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
