This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
