I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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