Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.