Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.