At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i love accidental penises.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?