my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.