well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
