there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
