I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
