Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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