so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
