We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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