Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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