Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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