You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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