Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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