And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
