I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
