You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
