i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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