Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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