i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
