I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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