Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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