I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
