come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
