I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
