i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
