Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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