it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
