nut hugger
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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