Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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