my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
