just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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