:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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