I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
