If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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