Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
