I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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