Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
