textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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