Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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