I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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