Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
