I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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