I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize