This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Cover your peen. We're going out.