Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.