mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???