i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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