Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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